Messing With My Head/Mind Games

The main war was already won when the Good Shepherd died on the cross for our sins and was victorious over Satan. But how do we keep fighting the daily spiritual battles? Satan will not give up even though he’s already lost his authority and power. He is still going around still threatening, still dangerous, and still insanely refusing to give up and surrender. His goal now is to take out as many of those who belong to the Good Shepherd as possible. He feels victorious when he is able to get inside your head and mess up how you think. Sometimes as humans we tend to do or believe things to one extreme or another. Some may blame Satan for everything that goes wrong in their lives and others like to pretend that he does not exist. 

When the topic of Spiritual warfare comes up we often envision demons and dragons. Some may think it is all about rebuking evil forces and using anointing oil. Yes, these things are certainly a part of spiritual warfare, but the most dangerous part is the unseen attacks of Satan. Mind games and deceptions have always been his preferred tools. Our thoughts are directly linked to our emotions and actions. WE are the ones who decide how much authority he has, by the choices we make, and the thoughts we think.

I am not a person who has extensively studied books on spiritual warfare.

But because of the SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) in my past I have seen and experienced the damage that people who listen to Satan can do. And I know first hand how He can mess with your mind. This is a subject that I feel very passionate about and I want others to know how I learned to stand up and fight against him.

I look at spiritual warfare as a daily spiritual battle. I deal with it one day at a time. I believe that Satan can influence our hearts and our minds. The battles of life are either lost or won in the mind. Whatever I accept in my mind becomes reality and Satan knows this. So, he starts dropping thoughts or suggestions or ideas in my mind. Even though my thoughts would start out positive he would try to lead me off track and right back to the old familiar patterns of my past. Sometimes when small things happened around me I would begin having thoughts that made the small situations into something it was not…and was never going to be. I believe these are Satan’s attacks on me to get me to follow through with decisions that was hurtful to me and those close to me. I believe he watches us very closely and he knows how we will react to certain things. He only has power as much as we give it to him in our thoughts, our hearts, and the decisions we make that are influenced by him. One of his favorite ways is through the fears and uncertainties of the future, fear of the present, and fear and remorse of the past. When I was at my lowest I was so discouraged that I didn’t feel like my soul even existed anymore.

When I was starting to trust the Good Shepherd, I was very confused as to which voice was His? (When I say voice, I am referring to the thoughts in my head.) I couldn’t tell which thoughts came from Satan and which ones came from the Good Shepherd. I started asking Him “please let me know your Voice each and every time you speak to me”. I learned when thoughts come to my mind from the Good Shepherd they are gentle and peaceful. If He needs to chastise me he does so in a way that does not condemn me but restores me. When Satan is messing with me it is always confusing and chaotic, and he tries to make me feel bad about myself.

Life is not a joke to Satan. He knows what the Bible says and he knows what it says about his future. He is not looking at us and laughing it up. He has us in his cross-hairs and he is not smiling. He want to destroy us in anyway possible!

So how do I stand up and fight against him? I fall on my knees in absolute and utter humility. In a battle surrender appears to be weakness, but my weakness and humble surrender to the Good Shepherd is my only defense against Satan’s mind games. He is always trying to draw me into a match of wits. He is hoping I will try and defend myself on my own strength when he comes at me with words of discouragement. I know I cannot ever win fighting him on my own so I work on hiding myself in the Good Shepherd through a humble and prayerful attitude, reading and meditating on His word, and cultivating a quiet mind. Each time Satan messes with my mind I want him to come face to face with the Good Shepherd, and not with me.

Through my healing and my past I have learned that some of the most important battles I have ever faced can be won or lost in my mind. When my mind is NOT at rest and “quiet” in the Good Shepherd things can go wrong. A lot of my failures have resulted because my mind was too preoccupied with “other things” to hear His still small voice. And when my mind is too loud to hear His voice then my pride takes over and I start to think I can fight Satan on my own. Obviously, pride and humility cannot peacefully

co-exist together in my heart so one ultimately wins out.

We do not use those things to fight with that the world uses. We use the things God gives to fight with and they have power. Those things God gives to fight with destroy the strong-places of the devil. We break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every thought and make it obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5(NLT)

Guarding my mind is one of the most important keys to winning when Satan messes with me. I am utterly and totally depended on the Good Shepherds wonderful grace and mercy for every breath of my life. Knowing who I am in Him, knowing the truth, being strong in the power of His might and strength and not on my own power, is my best defense.

Loving the Good Shepherd and loving others. Learning how to have a close relationship with Him, and learning how to hear His voice and follow it is going to be the greatest accomplishment I will make in this life.

May the Good Shepherd bless you as you pursue a closer relationship with Him! 

To Live is to Breathe in Heartache

One of the most difficult aspects of our faith is understanding why the Good Shepherd allows suffering? Is there meaning in suffering? Does our faith change depending on the suffering we experience? Does our image of the Good Shepherd change when we have experienced suffering.  Suffering will almost always cause us to look at and rethink our relationship with the Good Shepherd and who He is for us.

We are living in a harsh world and suffering is inevitable. Everyone whether they know the Good Shepherd or not have faced or will face a certain amount of conflict, trials, and tribulations on this journey of life. A lot of the suffering that comes our way we do not deserve unless we have made bad choices. No one escapes the struggles of life and our goodness or our faith do not make us immune from suffering.

Some days it feels like I am wearing cement boots as I plod through my life. Some mornings I wake up and dread the day ahead for one reason or another. Sometimes I still ask the same questions I did in my childhood when I was suffering. Why? Why everything at once? Why don’t you step in and help? Can’t you provide me with just a moment to catch my breath? One day, as I sat in silence and in tears, I started thinking, “I am looking and expecting a spiritual firewall from the Good Shepherd to protect me and when I don’t get it I feel like shaking my fists at Him and demanding to know why this is happening to me! I am so busy looking for Him to provide me protection, I am missing out on His support in my time of heartache and suffering!”

So, what does the Good Shepherd want me to do? He wants me to change my thinking and start looking at my suffering as a possibility for me to grow. He wants me to stand in the midst of difficulty and allow myself to be opened and changed by the experiences I am going through and will go through. He wants me to be able to stand with Him in the midst of my suffering and the messy reality of my pain. He cares more about where I am growing towards than what I am going through. He desires the end result of my suffering to be greater strength, greater wisdom, and greater common sense and knowledge. In my times of suffering He will help me discover my potential for growth and help me strengthen my shortcomings.

Suffering can teach us a lot. It can bring our image of the Good Shepherd into sharper focus, helping us to see what is real and what is not. It can offer hope in the Good Shepherd who walked through suffering and death and transformed death into life again. May I never forget that He came to earth in human form to go through human suffering and pain. Three times He asked if there was some other way for the prophesy to be fulfilled so He wouldn’t have to suffer.

For each one of us we have a choice about how we will respond to suffering. We can resist it and fall into bitterness and despair and allow it to undermine all the aspects of our lives. We can blame Him for it and then allow it to bring our spirit down so that Satan can attack us and then we really feel defeated. Often times we listen to the voice of the naysayer instead of the Good Shepherd. Satan is only full of lies and empty promises.

Or, we can gather our strength, shift our internal attitudes, and make the choice to find meaning through our suffering. The Good Shepherd is merciful and good and He knows us inside and out. When we face suffering in our lives we sometimes forget that there is a comfort and peace that is there waiting for us if we open our hearts and receive it. Facing life’s trails and tribulations is a mysterious component of our lives that only He understands. Look for Him in the person who sits and listens with their heart when you need to pour out yours, and look for Him in the growth and peace that comes from those who have been through dark valleys.

I am starting to examine my personal responses and feelings about my own suffering and heartache. Even though this is scary for me, I am asking The Good Shepherd for the courage to stay close to Him as He goes before me, keeping my eyes on the light, even in the midst of the darkness. I want to be able to emerge, walking one step at a time with a deeper sense of life and faith.

Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 1 Peter 5:9-10(NLT)

Life's Gifts Wrapped in Sandpaper

I have been thinking a lot lately about the things in my life today that makes me throw my fists up in the air and think, “it just isn’t fair”! I have already worked so hard to overcome so much in my life but why can’t I seem to get a grip on this chronic pain in my present? Honestly sometimes I feel like the Psalmist David when he cried out “My God, my God, why have You left me alone? Why are You so far from helping me, and from the words I cry inside myself? O my God, I cry during the day, but You do not answer. I cry during the night, but I find no rest”. (Psalm 22:1-2NLT)As I was praying about this a question came to my mind; was I going to continue to look at my pain as a mistake the Good Shepherd made or look at it as a gift and embrace it for my spiritual growth?

I have found gifts in my traumatic experience of abuse. It has taught me how to be humble, compassionate, and most of all empathetic to other people. But once again in my life I am at a crossroad faced with two choices; give up or look deep inside myself and find the ability to come through this stronger and more humble than I was before.

This pain has me deep within its clutches. Some days I don’t think I can stand it anymore. Day after day the pain just wears me out; it is always there. Some days it is just a dull ache and I think its not so bad. But without any warning it turns into excruciating pain that debilitates me and renders me useless. It certainly feels like my enemy, but the Good Shepherd is asking me to look at this as no longer being my enemy? It has robbed me of many aspects of my life, and this is certainly not where I envisioned myself to be at this time in my life. It is frustrating when 80 year olds with walkers are passing by me in the grocery store! So what are my choices Good Shepherd?

I can choose to become bitter, or I can choose to use this as a incentive for growth. I can choose to focus on what I can’t do, or I can look for opportunities to use the abilities I do have to honor Him. I can choose to believe that the most significant seasons of my life is over or I can choose to believe His word-that He delights in the weak to confound the wise and that His power is made perfect in our weakness. Wow! I had never thought of it this way before.

As the Good Shepherd speaks to my soul I am starting to grasp the concept that I am not just my circumstances, but I am something MUCH greater! That somehow my moments of deep despair and gut-wrenching hopelessness serve as a door of transformation to grace and compassion. It is the grace of discovering that my life is more than the circumstances

that lead to my chronic pain. It does not determine what the rest of my life will be like. Everything I am going through, every struggle, pain, or hardship is actually a gift. It is a gift because it has brought me to my knees, where I have once again questioned the purpose of my life. It is a gift because it has asked me to go deeper into myself and find more about who I am.

Unfortunately, we all live in fallen and broken bodies and there is not one of us that will avoid some sort of struggle or hardship in our lives. There might be some things that happened that will shake us to our very core. Sometimes life is really tough and really unfair! We often feel betrayed and question why do we have to go through life’s struggles?

The Good Shepherd is helping me look at my struggles and hardships as gifts so that I can reach deep down inside of myself and discover my inner power and glory of who I am.  By faith I am going to lean into pain’s sting and allow myself to be placed on its potter’s wheel and transformed into all I can ever hope to be and more. I am working towards eventually saying “I have this-but it doesn’t have me!”

My prayer is to give hope and courage to those reading this and show that it is possible to overcome anything. As I have been writing this I have thought a lot about my uncle. He has gone through horrible struggles and hardships. I finally got to go and visit him and my aunt this summer and he really amazed me. I did not see any bitterness or anger over what he had to go through. All I saw was those same kind loving eyes and that same quiet smile I always remembered as a child growing up.

My prayer to the Good Shepherd:

“Please help me in my unbelief as I work through the reality of the pain from which I suffer. Let me be ever mindful of your hand upon me. Let me see the truth of my life and accept what you have given me, so that I may make the most of all the gifts you have given.”

About the Good Shepherd and Me

The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. Habakkuk 3:19NLV

I chose the Name Good Shepherd because the name God and Jesus meant horrible things when I was growing up. I wanted to believe that there was a “God” out there that was kind and loving. Calling Him The Good Shepherd was my way of picturing a God that loved me and that I had the freedom to come to without fear. Satan still wanted me to believe that God was angry with me and hated me! That He was still this supreme being in a black robe just waiting for me to mess up so He could hit me with a big club, or tell others to punish me because He saw how bad I was.

While I was still struggling to see who the Good Shepherd really is my therapist asked me to read the book Hind’s Feet On High Places by Hanna Hurnard. It is a metaphorical novel that traces the steps of the main character, Much-Afraid, from a frightened, deformed lost soul to a beautiful, spiritually connected joyful being. She faces countless seemingly impossible obstacles in her journey. She lives in the Valley of Humiliation as an unwilling member of the Family of Fearings who attempt to keep her from becoming a shepherdess for the Chief Shepherd. I believe this book was a turning point for me in learning who the Good Shepherd really is.

I was leaving the fears I had always known and starting on a journey with the Good Shepherd to become a new creation. There were several times I felt the He was not taking me where I thought I should go, especially when it seemed we were going around in circles and I couldn’t see what was ahead of me. The path He was leading me on was filled with sorrow and suffering.  All my pain and turmoil seemed so BIG compared to Him. There were many times I felt like I was standing in the middle of a hurricane calling out for Him and it seemed like He could not hear me. Often I wondered when would this journey be over!

He gently reminded me I needed to trust Him even when the path seemed to be going the wrong way and I needed to rest in His truth that I was under His care. Just like Much-Afraid the Good Shepherd wanted to change me from a frightened and deformed lost soul to a beautiful, spiritually connected joyful being! He wanted to help me overcome my mountains and push my soul to a height I never before thought possible! I was able to overcome the evil, tribulation, sorrows and pain of my past and transform them all by placing myself in the hands of the Good Shepherd. I wanted to be able to live my life here on earth on the high places of love and victory as promised by the Good Shepherd.

The Good Shepherd taught me how to battle fear, anguish, and harm. I learned about forgiveness and about love. He turned my weakness into strength, my fear into faith, my hate into compassion, and the parts of me that were marred into perfections. He told me that the love I had for Him and knowing and believing the love He had for me would get me through this journey. By walking with Him He as shown me a deeper place of dependence on Him.

Getting to know who the true Good Shepherd is and how extravagant His love is for me was so overwhelming! He gave me the courage I needed to complete my journey. For the first time in my life having the Good Shepherd in my heart did not mean that I had to be strong and perfect. It was no longer about Religion and Hypocrisy. I was learning about a Relationship and Spirituality. I was finally realizing the Good Shepherd loved me just for me! I was starting to feel contentment for the first time in my life. I was finally starting to think differently.

After Much-Afraid is healed she is given a new name, Grace & Glory. She was ready to go back to the Valley below where she sees her relatives living in their isolation and slaves to their fears. She desires to share with them all that the Shepherd has given her. With her hinds feet she leaps down the mountain with her Shepherd and returns to the valley where she will be a witness to His greatness!

Hinds feet for me is my testimony of healing. I was crippled with the pain of my abuse when I started on my journey and now He has transformed my heart with His love so I can see others hurts and pain and allow the Good Shepherd to love them through me. The Good Shepherd will lead us to the High Places, and He will not lead us astray! His unconditional love desires and achieves the best for those who love Him and are faithful.

I want the Good Shepherd to show me the people in MY village that He wants me to see through His heart and eyes.