A Crack in the Cement

This summer I got to travel to Iowa and visit with my family. As I drove into the driveway of my Aunts house I noticed flowers were growing up through the cracks in the cement. It reminded me of a time in the beginning of my therapy when someone shared with me an illustration she heard.

People put emotional walls up as a result of being hurt. Sometimes the wall is so thick and tall that it seems impossible for anyone to get in or over the wall. This individual went on to tell me that an image came to her mind of my wall  and she saw a tiny crack with a beautiful flower growing out of that crack.  After hearing that, my first thought was this woman has definitely been smoking crack! I had several walls built all within a huge thick and towering cement fortress. And no cracks were going to happen and no pretty little flowers were going to start growing in my wall!

The purpose of building my walls was to keep people out!  Yet I sat inside those walls everyday crying because I was in pain, alone and suffering.  I could look out but no one could see in. I stayed that way for many years watching people on the other side of my wall and hoping someone would hear me, but if they did would I be too afraid to let them in?

The walls we build are like a petri dish for suffering. If we won’t let anyone in that can help us heal, they can’t see our pain and show us that we are loved anyway. The hurt just keeps on growing and the walls keep the pain from ever leaving. We build our walls to keep the pain out but it just stays inside with us and gets stronger. When we allow cracks in our walls then the light comes in and light is needed for growth.

I know letting your walls crack is not easy. It certainly wasn’t for me! . My walls were completely blocking my heart and nothing or no one was going to get me to tear them down. But the alternative was to sit in my pain and suffering for the rest of my life.  Living in the midst of my own personal darkness was not a happy place to be. Yes, my walls were built because of my past which WAS out of my control, but allowing my walls to crack WAS in my control. I was going to have to Trust.

I would like to share something I wrote while I was deciding if I would allow my walls to crack.

There isn’t any point in moving on until I have somewhere to go

and the road of the past has emptied my soul.

Can I break through all the insecurities that hold me down?

What do I do if my fears become true?

Are you really different than the others I have encountered?

Somewhere along the way God turned his back

and it’s hard to hope when there is no hope to see.

The wounded skies above say it’s much too late and maybe I am crazy

So many nightmares of wondering if I should take a chance

It’s so hard to trust when there is so much to fear.

I want to encourage you if you are in the process of letting your wall(s) crack Don’t quit! Every time you say “I can’t make it” or “I give up,” you give Satan a chance to patch the progress you’ve made. Don’t give him that chance! The Good Shepherd will be with you helping you demolish every obstacle in your path. I know this because that’s what he did for me!

And to those who are still too afraid to let their wall crack I will be praying for you and also praying that The Good Shepherd will send someone to you that you can trust enough to help you through your pain.

While I was reading today I came across a scripture that really stood out to me.  Ezekiel 36:36(NLT) says:  And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.

Yes! That is what the Good Shepherd has done for me! And He can do the same for you!