Who Am I To Judge?

The effect of growing up with critical and judgmental parents still haunted me as an adult. I swore I was never going to be that way, but I found out I did have a strong critic in me as well. After all I had learned from the best. I was taught very well growing up to hide my inner struggles and conflicts and pretend to be righteous and look down on everyone else and their imperfections.  I remember many times listening to my mother slice someone to pieces at home and then wrap it all up in a pretty package with a bow and hand it to that person at church while smiling to their face the whole time. I would look at those people differently when I saw them and condemn them silently in my heart.

My father would preach about “Do Not Judge” and how we must “Love Everyone”, yet why were there so many people in the church acting so judgmental and critical towards others? The so called “Christians” I knew were condemning everyone who disagreed with them to the burning flames of hell. They seemed more focused on preaching, judging, and condemning, then loving and caring for others.

So what did the Good Shepherd mean when He commanded us, “do not judge others?” (Matthew 7:1NLT) Did He really mean we should never judge others? How literally do we take His words?  Is it wrong of us to have an opinion? The next verse says: “For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use on judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” (Matthew 7:2NLT) So should we be careful of what we think and say about others because we will be held to the standard we force upon others? Did He mean that we have no right to point out someone’s faulty behavior in order to teach them the correct behavior? Did He mean that we are just to accept each other’s bad habits and tolerate all sorts of rudeness and sometimes evil attitudes and actions?

I believe it is about the kind of judging that simply condemns people. The kind of judging that wants to put people in their place. It’s the judging that has a spirit of criticism and that isn’t really interested in forgiving, understanding, working something out, or simply trying to connect with the other person. It’s an attitude of putting people down when you think they are wrong, rather than finding ways to build them up. It’s the self-righteous attitude that points out where others have failed while neglecting to first evaluate your own life. Its being a hypocrite by pretending to have it all together, but call other people on the carpet for their sins and shortcomings. And that is the blind, hypocritical, self-righteous judging that I grew up with.

I remember my mom always used to talk about how my uncle (her brother) and his wife were going to hell because they were sinners (according to her). They were the most loving people and I loved spending time with them and my cousins. I even secretly wished that I could stay with them and not go home with my family. But every time we left to go home I cried because I was so afraid my uncle and aunt would die before I saw them again and burn in the eternal fires of hell. Even though I loved them dearly I still judged them as sinners because that was what my mom taught me to believe by her judgment of them.

When my mom passed away I remember a lady came up to me in the funeral home and told me “you better get your heart right with God because you will never get to see your mom in heaven if you don’t.”  I was so angry! How dare she say that! She knew nothing about my heart and my relationship with the Good Shepherd! As I thought about this incident later, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my mom did not know my uncle and aunt’s hearts either when she judged them as sinners, and I had judged them also without knowing their hearts…who was I to pass judgment on them about their relationship with the Good Shepherd? I wrote a letter to them asking them to forgive me.

There have been many times I have been guilty of gossiping about others and making critical and negative remarks about someone as a putdown. Someone that didn’t live up to MY value of “hard work”, I judged as “lazy.” Someone who didn’t follow MY idea of “giving”, I judged as “selfish”. One day I heard what was coming out of my mouth and I stopped in mid sentence. I was becoming that critical hypocrite that I always vowed I would never become. I was all worried about the specks in everyone else’s eyes while a log was in mine. (Matthew 7:3-5) I sat down on the couch and sobbed. I ask the Good Shepherd for forgiveness and for Him to help me with my attitude.

It is hard for me not to judge others when I look through my unfiltered human eyes. I seemed to see everything that is wrong and nothing that anyone does as right. I am to quick to think I know it all and have an answer for everything. That day I started praying that I would be able to look at those I come in contact with through the Good Shepherds eyes…through HIS filters.

He showed me it’s about loving and encouraging each other to be the very best we can be, with His help. Understanding, seeing, hearing, and accepting someone for who they are is love. I need to overlook the faults and weakness of others and if I need to speak up to someone it should be with an attitude of humility and concern for the other person. That there is a difference between judging a person and judging a person’s actions or behavior. Everyone of us was created in His image and for that reason we all deserve respect. However, judging behavior and actions is a necessary part of life. I still make judgments about a persons honesty or integrity or when deciding whether someone can be trustworthy friend. 

People are always entitled to make their own choices and I shouldn’t judge them, ESPECIALLY when I have never walked a mile in their shoes. I need to keep my judgments to myself and keep in mind that my judgments are only based on the limited knowledge I have. I cannot control anyone else’s behavior, I can only control my own (words, attitudes and actions). And I am not accountable for anyone else’s behavior, only my own. 

I believe the Good Shepherd expects us to judge actions and behaviors. We have a responsibility to judge someone’s behavior as to whether it is right or wrong especial as it relates to us , but we do not have the right to judge that person. There is a difference. We have no idea what someone has been through or the things that led them to be the way they are. Only the Good Shepherd knows those things, which is why He is the only one that has the right to judge them.

If we spend our time judging and looking down on people, how can we make a difference in their lives? We all are going to be confronted with choices in life where we can make each others journey better, or at least less miserable. I do not want to be the person who is too busy judging everyone else that I lose my opportunity to make a real difference in this world.

In the end the Good Shepherd is the only one who will judge us all, and He will judge in perfect justice and righteousness. He sees what is true in each of our hearts and will judge accordingly.

To look upon another — his weaknesses, his sins, his faults, his defects — is to look upon one who is suffering. He is suffering from negative passions, from the same sinful human corruption from which you yourself suffer. This is very important: do not look upon him with the judgmental eyes of comparison, noting the sins you assume you’d never commit. Rather, see him as a fellow sufferer, a fellow human being who is in need of the very healing of which you are in need. Help him, love him, pray for him, do unto him as you would have him do unto you. (Tikhon of Zadonsk)

What Are You Afraid Of?

It is hard not to have fear living in this world today with all its uncertainty. Life is full of all sorts of fears; terrorism, the economy, the safety of loved ones, a dreaded diagnoses, losing a job…the list goes on endlessly. Maybe you have fears about loneliness, fears about being accepted by others, fears of failure or rejection. Fear is supposed to be a normal response to the dangers around us, but when it becomes an overwhelming emotion that starts to rob us of our identity in the Good Shepherd it can feel tormenting. It can have a powerful influence over how we think and act.

I know this fear very well. It stripped me of my power, my love, and made me lose all sense of control of who I was. It caused physical and mental reactions that also made me feel like I had no control over my life. It was the kind of fear that overwhelmed me with anxiety and made me feel like the world was closing in around me and I couldn’t breath. A tightness gripped my chest and with each breath I tried to take it only seemed to confirm that I was suffocating. It kept me from living a joyful life, and having a joyful spirit which would have allowed me to help others. It would keep me awake at night with nightmares. This fear was paralyzing, confusing, and wreaking chaos in my body and in my mind. I went to great lengths to avoid what frightened me and that was keeping me from overcoming my past emotional wounds. It was also keeping me from what the Good Shepherd wanted for my life.

This intense feeling of fear is not normal and DOES NOT come from a loving Good Shepherd. He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7) I had to make a decision to either hide in my fears or trust the Good Shepherd, face my fears, and not run away from them anymore. So how do we free ourselves from the grip of fear and the stress of those fears that take a toll on our lives physically, emotionally, and mentally? What is this “fear” that immobilizes us, calling the shots and robbing us of our peace of mind and keeps us from serving the Good Shepherd like we should?

In Philippians 4:6-8(NLT) it says:  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

I have read this verse a lot this week. It tells me to think on the things that are true, right, pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy, but this week my thoughts have been focused on my fears and the ugliness of this world I live in. While I was sharing some of my fears with my friend the other day I started to realize how much they had taken ahold of me and they were starting to take me back to a place I definitely did not want to go.

Satan was using his spirit of fear to paralyze me and make me feel debilitated. And yes, I did call it a spirit because fear is more than just a feeling that affects our soul. It is a tormenting spirit that brings anxiety, dread, terror and fright. It removes any sense of security from your heart and tells you that there is no way out . It is relentless. If we open the door to fear it will attack us physically, mentally, and spiritually.

If I continued to let myself be controlled by my fears I would open myself up to Satan’s attacks. I was forgetting that the Good Shepherd is my protection, He is my refuge, He is my security, He is my help, and He is my hope! We are all vulnerable to fear so it is important how we react to it when it grips our soul. We can choose to allow it to take up residence in us and build a stronghold that reinforces it’s plan to steal, kill and destroy. Or we can remind ourselves that the Good Shepherd is on our side! He IS taking care of us and He IS fighting for us and with us.

Once again I was reminded I need to face my fears and stand firm against them even if it make my knees shake. I need to ask the Good Shepherd to strengthen me because I do not want to be controlled by my fears. I am determined that my life is not going to be ruled again by the spirit of fear. I want to live courageously in the freedom that the Good Shepherd has promised me. I want to be able to walk in boldness and be free from fear because I know that I belong to the Good Shepherd and He promises never to leave me or forsake me!

Fear cannot be wished or hoped away. It must be dealt with and confronted. Don’t allow it to intimidate you. Concentrate on the promises of the Good Shepherd when you are gripped by fear. It is true, we live in a body of flesh, but we do not fight like the people of the world. We use the things God gives us to fight with and they have power. They destroy the strong-places of the devil. They break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every on of our thoughts and make them obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-7 paraphrased)

If you are struggling with the spirit of fear, I encourage you to begin by “taking all thoughts captive” and “meditate night and day on whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This is your life, GO LIVE IT to the fullest. Don’t let some stupid spirit of fear hold you back for enjoying everything the Good Shepherd has to offer.

He Is The Air I Breathe/I’m Lost Without Him

“God will never give you more than you can handle” is a phrase that most of us have heard at some point in our lives. Even though that phrase is meant to be an encouragement by people who have caring and concerned hearts, I do not believe it is true.

The Good Shepherd is not some meanie in the sky sitting in heaven trying to think of all the ways that suffering can be piled upon us and push us to the breaking point without going over the edge. What about the people who do break under the pressure? Are they weak? Did they not believe enough? Did they fail the Good Shepherd by breaking. Or did the Good Shepherd miscalculate what they could handle?

It really saddens my heart when I hear others in the midst of their pain and heavy burdens say the Good Shepherd has forsaken them or pulled the rug out from underneath them. Lately I have been reading over my journals that I kept while working on recovering from my past. My life had become so overwhelming. Everything was crumbling and my world had fallen apart. As I read the thoughts of anguish I had written down, I started thinking about the times people tried to reassure me by saying God would not give me more than I could handle. I also remembered I wanted to punch them square in the face!

It felt awful to be told that I should be able to bear all my problems otherwise the Good Shepherd would not have given them to me. It makes me think I am a bad person and a bad Christian. The Good Shepherd (who I was beginning to trust) would never allow this kind of suffering and pain to fall on someone who couldn’t bear it, so I am a failure because I cannot. I kept asking myself, “If I am supposed to handle this, then why can’t I handle it?”  Then I started trying to ignore my suffering and pretend it wasn’t there. Then I started thinking that I could handle it on my own, which then lead me to think “If I can handle anything that comes my way then why do I need the Good Shepherd at all?

Growing up in the church I have heard many sermons about God never giving you more than you can handle based on 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT) which says:  The temptations in your life are not different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. Paul is talking about temptation, not suffering. With temptation, we have a choice, but with suffering we don’t have a choice.

So, if I never get more than I can handle than why is life so hard for me? In the past I know some of it was having to live with the consequences of making wrong choices in my life, but other times it is just life. This week has been a struggle for me, I have spent most of it crying throughout the day and night. That old pattern of thinking came back and I started to feel like the Good Shepherd was a million miles away. I forgot what He has been teaching me. If I truly want to hear His voice loud and clear I needed to spend more time with Him, not just the time I had to spare, but the time I didn’t have to spare.

The Good Shepherd longs for us to depend on Him when we are feeling overwhelmed with life and burdened by more that we can handle. He wants us to spend time with Him so we can be filled with what we need to get through each day. When my load seems to heavy to carry, He is waiting for me to recognize that I could not handle it on my own. Matthew 11:28-30(NLT) says: Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

When I feel like I am drowning in life’s pains, trials, and heartaches, and it feels like more than I can bear, I need to remember to take a deep breath and know I can TRUST him enough to hand over my heavy crippling burdens and let Him carry the load. I need the Good Shepherd like I need the air that I breath. He is the only one who can make it bearable when life is anything but.

2 Corinthians 1:8-10(NLT) says: We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.

Today, if you are discouraged or depressed, look to the Good Shepherd, He is the one who will lift your head.

Today, if you are feeling like you can’t go one more step, look to the Good Shepherd. He is your strength and he will make your steps secure. Stay focused on Him and it will help you stay in the race.

Today, if you are emotionally, spiritually, or physically sick, look to the Good Shepherd. When He walked this earth He healed ALL those who were oppressed, sick, and diseased. He has not changed! He still heals!

Today, I want to remind you that the Good Shepherd came to this earth to destroy the works of Satan. You do not have to live in bondage. You don’t have to walk in darkness, because He is your light.

Just like the air I breathe He is always readily available to me with every inhale and with me at every moment of my life.

The Good Shepherd's Hospital

I see the church as the Good Shepherd’s hospital because it has always been full of people who needs mending. The Good Shepherd always made a point of inviting the lame, the blind, and the possessed to be healed. So should the church be surprised that the depressed population are not only in hospitals and clinics , but in the church as well?

Depression still remains mysterious to most of us that share a pew with a depressed person. I’m sure everyone of us has experienced a “down” day and often for no clear reason. We might say “we woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or “we are out of sorts today”, or “just in a funk”. Most of can grasp the part of distress King David was in when he said “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.
Tears blur my eyes.
 My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief;
my years are shortened by sadness.
Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within”. (Psalm 31:9-10NLT)  He goes on to say in verse 11; “I am scorned by all my enemies 
and despised by my neighbors—
even my friends are afraid to come near me.
When they see me on the street,
they run the other way”. Severe depression is beyond description. And when such deep and painful feelings cannot be explained, they can cut to the heart of a persons spiritual being.

I do not claim to have a lot of “book knowledge” about depression, even though I have read books about it. I am only writing about my own life’s experience when severe depression attacked the foundation of my soul. A darkness seemed to surround me and I could feel it drawing me downward. Any joy, happiness, or brightness that was in my life disappeared. My energy to do normal activities (go to work and take care of my family) disappeared and that sense of purpose that underplayed my ordinary activities of life was lost. Nothing seemed worth doing and all activities seemed impossible for me to carry out.

I have been reading through the Psalms lately, and I discovered that King David and other psalmist had times when they suffered from severe depression. Psalm 6:6 (NLT) says: “I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies”. There were so many endless nights that I spent crying until my pillow case was soaked. Depression is hard to see. It is not like acute physical pain that an X-ray can show what is hurting. It was difficult for me to explain to anyone because it felt so intensely painful, but not in any particular part of my body. It was totally debilitating me and I couldn’t even explain it.

One day it felt like everything came to a screeching halt and I could no longer clear my mind. I couldn’t think of anything but wanting to be out of this world. I felt that my spirit had already died, but my body refused to follow it to the grave. My children had to deal with the reality of having a mother who could not care for them and my husband had a wife who was unable to give anything to the marriage. He had to assume both roles as mother and father to our children, trying to make a conscious effort to provide them with the affection and love they needed. There was a lot of times when I did not feel worthy to have a best friend, a wonderful husband, and two awesome children so I withdrew even further from all of them. I know it was very difficult for my husband and children to understand the deep depression I was in. I have never asked any of them but I felt like sometimes they were thinking; “why is she making the choice to be this way? or “why can’t she just get over it?” 

I remember going to a evening church service and the guest speaker was talking about depression and said all we had to do was praise God and pray more and it would all go away. I stood up in the middle of his talk and told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. I was very angry! Maybe that does happen for some people, but because there are so many different variations of depression that does not always apply to everyone. How awful to make others in that service, who may be struggling with depression, wonder why God is not taking away THEIR depression after they have prayed and prayed for relief.

Some churches assume all mental illness reflects a spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Some assume all mental illness is caused by spiritual forces like demon possession. Some assume mental illness is dispensed out as punishment for sin. In this kind of environment who wants to speak up and admit mental illness and risk being treated like a second class citizen?

Mental illness is a health issue just like heart disease and diabetes. The Good Shepherd does have the power to heal and He may take a illness if we pray and ask Him to, but it is silly to tell those with mental disorders that that is the ONLY treatment available to them! I was fortunate enough to attend a church that showed me compassion and understanding and rallied around me even when they didn’t completely understand my situation. They were faithful prayer warriors and offered words of encouragement and was “just there” for me. I also had a therapist and best friend that were able to guide me through the dark maze I was in and show me the Good Shepherds love and care. They all were the Good Shepherds Hospital to me!

It is amazing how many Christians are suffering from depression. These are precious people who love the Good Shepherd dearly and yet find themselves struggling everyday in a battle to enjoy their lives. In Job 2:11,13, Job’s friends came to him and simply sat with him. Job was hurting, afraid, sad and depressed. They did not offer false assurances, and they did not attempt to talk him out of where he was. In fact when Job’s friends did offer explanations for his condition, his depression worsened considerably.

I feel it is time to talk, to be open, to be loving and supportive, and to stop shaming those who suffer in ways too deep for words. Ready or not, many suffering people are walking through the doors of our churches each week, and the Good Shepherd does not want us to ignore those who are coming to His hospital.

At one time I believed depression was the end of life for me, but now I see it was the beginning of a new life. Although depression is not something that I would have chosen for myself, I am now grateful for the blessings I have obtained because of it. The Good Shepherd and others helped me understand my true identity and my worth. While our difficulties may seem overwhelming at times, there is nothing the Good Shepherd cannot do, and nothing He cannot use for our good.