The Good Shepherd's Hospital

I see the church as the Good Shepherd’s hospital because it has always been full of people who needs mending. The Good Shepherd always made a point of inviting the lame, the blind, and the possessed to be healed. So should the church be surprised that the depressed population are not only in hospitals and clinics , but in the church as well?

Depression still remains mysterious to most of us that share a pew with a depressed person. I’m sure everyone of us has experienced a “down” day and often for no clear reason. We might say “we woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or “we are out of sorts today”, or “just in a funk”. Most of can grasp the part of distress King David was in when he said “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.
Tears blur my eyes.
 My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief;
my years are shortened by sadness.
Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within”. (Psalm 31:9-10NLT)  He goes on to say in verse 11; “I am scorned by all my enemies 
and despised by my neighbors—
even my friends are afraid to come near me.
When they see me on the street,
they run the other way”. Severe depression is beyond description. And when such deep and painful feelings cannot be explained, they can cut to the heart of a persons spiritual being.

I do not claim to have a lot of “book knowledge” about depression, even though I have read books about it. I am only writing about my own life’s experience when severe depression attacked the foundation of my soul. A darkness seemed to surround me and I could feel it drawing me downward. Any joy, happiness, or brightness that was in my life disappeared. My energy to do normal activities (go to work and take care of my family) disappeared and that sense of purpose that underplayed my ordinary activities of life was lost. Nothing seemed worth doing and all activities seemed impossible for me to carry out.

I have been reading through the Psalms lately, and I discovered that King David and other psalmist had times when they suffered from severe depression. Psalm 6:6 (NLT) says: “I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies”. There were so many endless nights that I spent crying until my pillow case was soaked. Depression is hard to see. It is not like acute physical pain that an X-ray can show what is hurting. It was difficult for me to explain to anyone because it felt so intensely painful, but not in any particular part of my body. It was totally debilitating me and I couldn’t even explain it.

One day it felt like everything came to a screeching halt and I could no longer clear my mind. I couldn’t think of anything but wanting to be out of this world. I felt that my spirit had already died, but my body refused to follow it to the grave. My children had to deal with the reality of having a mother who could not care for them and my husband had a wife who was unable to give anything to the marriage. He had to assume both roles as mother and father to our children, trying to make a conscious effort to provide them with the affection and love they needed. There was a lot of times when I did not feel worthy to have a best friend, a wonderful husband, and two awesome children so I withdrew even further from all of them. I know it was very difficult for my husband and children to understand the deep depression I was in. I have never asked any of them but I felt like sometimes they were thinking; “why is she making the choice to be this way? or “why can’t she just get over it?” 

I remember going to a evening church service and the guest speaker was talking about depression and said all we had to do was praise God and pray more and it would all go away. I stood up in the middle of his talk and told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. I was very angry! Maybe that does happen for some people, but because there are so many different variations of depression that does not always apply to everyone. How awful to make others in that service, who may be struggling with depression, wonder why God is not taking away THEIR depression after they have prayed and prayed for relief.

Some churches assume all mental illness reflects a spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Some assume all mental illness is caused by spiritual forces like demon possession. Some assume mental illness is dispensed out as punishment for sin. In this kind of environment who wants to speak up and admit mental illness and risk being treated like a second class citizen?

Mental illness is a health issue just like heart disease and diabetes. The Good Shepherd does have the power to heal and He may take a illness if we pray and ask Him to, but it is silly to tell those with mental disorders that that is the ONLY treatment available to them! I was fortunate enough to attend a church that showed me compassion and understanding and rallied around me even when they didn’t completely understand my situation. They were faithful prayer warriors and offered words of encouragement and was “just there” for me. I also had a therapist and best friend that were able to guide me through the dark maze I was in and show me the Good Shepherds love and care. They all were the Good Shepherds Hospital to me!

It is amazing how many Christians are suffering from depression. These are precious people who love the Good Shepherd dearly and yet find themselves struggling everyday in a battle to enjoy their lives. In Job 2:11,13, Job’s friends came to him and simply sat with him. Job was hurting, afraid, sad and depressed. They did not offer false assurances, and they did not attempt to talk him out of where he was. In fact when Job’s friends did offer explanations for his condition, his depression worsened considerably.

I feel it is time to talk, to be open, to be loving and supportive, and to stop shaming those who suffer in ways too deep for words. Ready or not, many suffering people are walking through the doors of our churches each week, and the Good Shepherd does not want us to ignore those who are coming to His hospital.

At one time I believed depression was the end of life for me, but now I see it was the beginning of a new life. Although depression is not something that I would have chosen for myself, I am now grateful for the blessings I have obtained because of it. The Good Shepherd and others helped me understand my true identity and my worth. While our difficulties may seem overwhelming at times, there is nothing the Good Shepherd cannot do, and nothing He cannot use for our good.