What Are You Afraid Of?

It is hard not to have fear living in this world today with all its uncertainty. Life is full of all sorts of fears; terrorism, the economy, the safety of loved ones, a dreaded diagnoses, losing a job…the list goes on endlessly. Maybe you have fears about loneliness, fears about being accepted by others, fears of failure or rejection. Fear is supposed to be a normal response to the dangers around us, but when it becomes an overwhelming emotion that starts to rob us of our identity in the Good Shepherd it can feel tormenting. It can have a powerful influence over how we think and act.

I know this fear very well. It stripped me of my power, my love, and made me lose all sense of control of who I was. It caused physical and mental reactions that also made me feel like I had no control over my life. It was the kind of fear that overwhelmed me with anxiety and made me feel like the world was closing in around me and I couldn’t breath. A tightness gripped my chest and with each breath I tried to take it only seemed to confirm that I was suffocating. It kept me from living a joyful life, and having a joyful spirit which would have allowed me to help others. It would keep me awake at night with nightmares. This fear was paralyzing, confusing, and wreaking chaos in my body and in my mind. I went to great lengths to avoid what frightened me and that was keeping me from overcoming my past emotional wounds. It was also keeping me from what the Good Shepherd wanted for my life.

This intense feeling of fear is not normal and DOES NOT come from a loving Good Shepherd. He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7) I had to make a decision to either hide in my fears or trust the Good Shepherd, face my fears, and not run away from them anymore. So how do we free ourselves from the grip of fear and the stress of those fears that take a toll on our lives physically, emotionally, and mentally? What is this “fear” that immobilizes us, calling the shots and robbing us of our peace of mind and keeps us from serving the Good Shepherd like we should?

In Philippians 4:6-8(NLT) it says:  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

I have read this verse a lot this week. It tells me to think on the things that are true, right, pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy, but this week my thoughts have been focused on my fears and the ugliness of this world I live in. While I was sharing some of my fears with my friend the other day I started to realize how much they had taken ahold of me and they were starting to take me back to a place I definitely did not want to go.

Satan was using his spirit of fear to paralyze me and make me feel debilitated. And yes, I did call it a spirit because fear is more than just a feeling that affects our soul. It is a tormenting spirit that brings anxiety, dread, terror and fright. It removes any sense of security from your heart and tells you that there is no way out . It is relentless. If we open the door to fear it will attack us physically, mentally, and spiritually.

If I continued to let myself be controlled by my fears I would open myself up to Satan’s attacks. I was forgetting that the Good Shepherd is my protection, He is my refuge, He is my security, He is my help, and He is my hope! We are all vulnerable to fear so it is important how we react to it when it grips our soul. We can choose to allow it to take up residence in us and build a stronghold that reinforces it’s plan to steal, kill and destroy. Or we can remind ourselves that the Good Shepherd is on our side! He IS taking care of us and He IS fighting for us and with us.

Once again I was reminded I need to face my fears and stand firm against them even if it make my knees shake. I need to ask the Good Shepherd to strengthen me because I do not want to be controlled by my fears. I am determined that my life is not going to be ruled again by the spirit of fear. I want to live courageously in the freedom that the Good Shepherd has promised me. I want to be able to walk in boldness and be free from fear because I know that I belong to the Good Shepherd and He promises never to leave me or forsake me!

Fear cannot be wished or hoped away. It must be dealt with and confronted. Don’t allow it to intimidate you. Concentrate on the promises of the Good Shepherd when you are gripped by fear. It is true, we live in a body of flesh, but we do not fight like the people of the world. We use the things God gives us to fight with and they have power. They destroy the strong-places of the devil. They break down every thought and proud thing that puts itself up against the wisdom of God. We take hold of every on of our thoughts and make them obey Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-7 paraphrased)

If you are struggling with the spirit of fear, I encourage you to begin by “taking all thoughts captive” and “meditate night and day on whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This is your life, GO LIVE IT to the fullest. Don’t let some stupid spirit of fear hold you back for enjoying everything the Good Shepherd has to offer.

He Is The Air I Breathe/I’m Lost Without Him

“God will never give you more than you can handle” is a phrase that most of us have heard at some point in our lives. Even though that phrase is meant to be an encouragement by people who have caring and concerned hearts, I do not believe it is true.

The Good Shepherd is not some meanie in the sky sitting in heaven trying to think of all the ways that suffering can be piled upon us and push us to the breaking point without going over the edge. What about the people who do break under the pressure? Are they weak? Did they not believe enough? Did they fail the Good Shepherd by breaking. Or did the Good Shepherd miscalculate what they could handle?

It really saddens my heart when I hear others in the midst of their pain and heavy burdens say the Good Shepherd has forsaken them or pulled the rug out from underneath them. Lately I have been reading over my journals that I kept while working on recovering from my past. My life had become so overwhelming. Everything was crumbling and my world had fallen apart. As I read the thoughts of anguish I had written down, I started thinking about the times people tried to reassure me by saying God would not give me more than I could handle. I also remembered I wanted to punch them square in the face!

It felt awful to be told that I should be able to bear all my problems otherwise the Good Shepherd would not have given them to me. It makes me think I am a bad person and a bad Christian. The Good Shepherd (who I was beginning to trust) would never allow this kind of suffering and pain to fall on someone who couldn’t bear it, so I am a failure because I cannot. I kept asking myself, “If I am supposed to handle this, then why can’t I handle it?”  Then I started trying to ignore my suffering and pretend it wasn’t there. Then I started thinking that I could handle it on my own, which then lead me to think “If I can handle anything that comes my way then why do I need the Good Shepherd at all?

Growing up in the church I have heard many sermons about God never giving you more than you can handle based on 1 Corinthians 10:13(NLT) which says:  The temptations in your life are not different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. Paul is talking about temptation, not suffering. With temptation, we have a choice, but with suffering we don’t have a choice.

So, if I never get more than I can handle than why is life so hard for me? In the past I know some of it was having to live with the consequences of making wrong choices in my life, but other times it is just life. This week has been a struggle for me, I have spent most of it crying throughout the day and night. That old pattern of thinking came back and I started to feel like the Good Shepherd was a million miles away. I forgot what He has been teaching me. If I truly want to hear His voice loud and clear I needed to spend more time with Him, not just the time I had to spare, but the time I didn’t have to spare.

The Good Shepherd longs for us to depend on Him when we are feeling overwhelmed with life and burdened by more that we can handle. He wants us to spend time with Him so we can be filled with what we need to get through each day. When my load seems to heavy to carry, He is waiting for me to recognize that I could not handle it on my own. Matthew 11:28-30(NLT) says: Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

When I feel like I am drowning in life’s pains, trials, and heartaches, and it feels like more than I can bear, I need to remember to take a deep breath and know I can TRUST him enough to hand over my heavy crippling burdens and let Him carry the load. I need the Good Shepherd like I need the air that I breath. He is the only one who can make it bearable when life is anything but.

2 Corinthians 1:8-10(NLT) says: We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.

Today, if you are discouraged or depressed, look to the Good Shepherd, He is the one who will lift your head.

Today, if you are feeling like you can’t go one more step, look to the Good Shepherd. He is your strength and he will make your steps secure. Stay focused on Him and it will help you stay in the race.

Today, if you are emotionally, spiritually, or physically sick, look to the Good Shepherd. When He walked this earth He healed ALL those who were oppressed, sick, and diseased. He has not changed! He still heals!

Today, I want to remind you that the Good Shepherd came to this earth to destroy the works of Satan. You do not have to live in bondage. You don’t have to walk in darkness, because He is your light.

Just like the air I breathe He is always readily available to me with every inhale and with me at every moment of my life.

The Good Shepherd's Hospital

I see the church as the Good Shepherd’s hospital because it has always been full of people who needs mending. The Good Shepherd always made a point of inviting the lame, the blind, and the possessed to be healed. So should the church be surprised that the depressed population are not only in hospitals and clinics , but in the church as well?

Depression still remains mysterious to most of us that share a pew with a depressed person. I’m sure everyone of us has experienced a “down” day and often for no clear reason. We might say “we woke up on the wrong side of the bed” or “we are out of sorts today”, or “just in a funk”. Most of can grasp the part of distress King David was in when he said “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.
Tears blur my eyes.
 My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief;
my years are shortened by sadness.
Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within”. (Psalm 31:9-10NLT)  He goes on to say in verse 11; “I am scorned by all my enemies 
and despised by my neighbors—
even my friends are afraid to come near me.
When they see me on the street,
they run the other way”. Severe depression is beyond description. And when such deep and painful feelings cannot be explained, they can cut to the heart of a persons spiritual being.

I do not claim to have a lot of “book knowledge” about depression, even though I have read books about it. I am only writing about my own life’s experience when severe depression attacked the foundation of my soul. A darkness seemed to surround me and I could feel it drawing me downward. Any joy, happiness, or brightness that was in my life disappeared. My energy to do normal activities (go to work and take care of my family) disappeared and that sense of purpose that underplayed my ordinary activities of life was lost. Nothing seemed worth doing and all activities seemed impossible for me to carry out.

I have been reading through the Psalms lately, and I discovered that King David and other psalmist had times when they suffered from severe depression. Psalm 6:6 (NLT) says: “I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies”. There were so many endless nights that I spent crying until my pillow case was soaked. Depression is hard to see. It is not like acute physical pain that an X-ray can show what is hurting. It was difficult for me to explain to anyone because it felt so intensely painful, but not in any particular part of my body. It was totally debilitating me and I couldn’t even explain it.

One day it felt like everything came to a screeching halt and I could no longer clear my mind. I couldn’t think of anything but wanting to be out of this world. I felt that my spirit had already died, but my body refused to follow it to the grave. My children had to deal with the reality of having a mother who could not care for them and my husband had a wife who was unable to give anything to the marriage. He had to assume both roles as mother and father to our children, trying to make a conscious effort to provide them with the affection and love they needed. There was a lot of times when I did not feel worthy to have a best friend, a wonderful husband, and two awesome children so I withdrew even further from all of them. I know it was very difficult for my husband and children to understand the deep depression I was in. I have never asked any of them but I felt like sometimes they were thinking; “why is she making the choice to be this way? or “why can’t she just get over it?” 

I remember going to a evening church service and the guest speaker was talking about depression and said all we had to do was praise God and pray more and it would all go away. I stood up in the middle of his talk and told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. I was very angry! Maybe that does happen for some people, but because there are so many different variations of depression that does not always apply to everyone. How awful to make others in that service, who may be struggling with depression, wonder why God is not taking away THEIR depression after they have prayed and prayed for relief.

Some churches assume all mental illness reflects a spiritual weakness or lack of faith. Some assume all mental illness is caused by spiritual forces like demon possession. Some assume mental illness is dispensed out as punishment for sin. In this kind of environment who wants to speak up and admit mental illness and risk being treated like a second class citizen?

Mental illness is a health issue just like heart disease and diabetes. The Good Shepherd does have the power to heal and He may take a illness if we pray and ask Him to, but it is silly to tell those with mental disorders that that is the ONLY treatment available to them! I was fortunate enough to attend a church that showed me compassion and understanding and rallied around me even when they didn’t completely understand my situation. They were faithful prayer warriors and offered words of encouragement and was “just there” for me. I also had a therapist and best friend that were able to guide me through the dark maze I was in and show me the Good Shepherds love and care. They all were the Good Shepherds Hospital to me!

It is amazing how many Christians are suffering from depression. These are precious people who love the Good Shepherd dearly and yet find themselves struggling everyday in a battle to enjoy their lives. In Job 2:11,13, Job’s friends came to him and simply sat with him. Job was hurting, afraid, sad and depressed. They did not offer false assurances, and they did not attempt to talk him out of where he was. In fact when Job’s friends did offer explanations for his condition, his depression worsened considerably.

I feel it is time to talk, to be open, to be loving and supportive, and to stop shaming those who suffer in ways too deep for words. Ready or not, many suffering people are walking through the doors of our churches each week, and the Good Shepherd does not want us to ignore those who are coming to His hospital.

At one time I believed depression was the end of life for me, but now I see it was the beginning of a new life. Although depression is not something that I would have chosen for myself, I am now grateful for the blessings I have obtained because of it. The Good Shepherd and others helped me understand my true identity and my worth. While our difficulties may seem overwhelming at times, there is nothing the Good Shepherd cannot do, and nothing He cannot use for our good.

He Knows How to Make Your Pieces Fit

For years and years I just kept shoving the pain down further and further reassuring myself it wasn’t that bad. I will never forget that moment when I felt like my life had fallen apart into millions of pieces and I found myself standing in a heap of broken promises and shattered dreams. It was at that moment that my life begin to unravel, day by day, piece by piece and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. No matter how hard I tried I could not put the pieces of my life back together by myself.

As I sat helplessly watching and surveying all the exposed and ugly broken pieces of my mind and heart, I felt my only choices were take the handful of pills in my left hand or take the gun in my right hand point it at my head and pull the trigger. I just wanted the pain and brokenness to stop! I was so lost and I felt like I was never going to find myself. I believed there was nothing left worth keeping. Just like when glass shatters on the kitchen floor, we don’t painstakingly glue each piece back together. We sweep them up and throw them in the trash. How could the Good Shepherd love me through and through when I had experienced so much in myself that was unlovable?

I was told by my therapist I did have another choice, but it seemed too hard. That choice would mean giving myself permission to feel my pain, fear, and devastation. I was going to have to be willing to hand my pieces over to Him…broken piece by broken piece. I can still hear the Good Shepherd asking me, “do you want to be made whole”?

I was so afraid of what I would find, but I needed to learn to smile again. I needed to learn how to trust. I needed to learn how to hope again. I needed to learn how to feel joy. With each piece he washed it clean, rubbed all the rough spots off and poured each one of those things into my broken life. He gently applied His healing ointment and placed them back in their proper places where they should be.

When those pieces were placed in His hands, I could hardly believe His healing power. In His dear hands those shattered pieces ,that had me living in horror, have become something I am thankful for because He has taught me so much through them. How He could take my life that was so shattered and broken and pour in such comfort, joy, peace, and hope is something I cannot even begin to understand. I felt like the Psalmist when he wrote; He heals those who have a broken heart. He heals their sorrows. Psalm 147:3(NLV)

 The overwhelming truth remains that the Good Shepherd is love and He loves each one us in every aspect and detail of our lives. One thing that is very clear from the gospels is the Good Shepherd came to bring good news of reconciliation and healing. He wanted to help me deal with my brokenness. He wanted to bring His love into every hidden crevice and painful hiding place of my heart.  When I started opening my heart to the possibility of awareness and healing, I became willing for Him to help me see through the deceptions and secrets that was affecting my ability to live my life more fully.

Eventually my past pain no longer had such a strong hold on me. It wasn’t stifling my spirit in the same way it used to which allowed me to be more open to the Good Shepherds love. Some of my hurts did come back again in my memories, but they were not as powerful and overwhelming as they once were.

I am absolutely convinced that nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, can get between us and the Good Shepherd’s love because of the way He embraces us with His love! (Romans 8:38 paraphrase)

Good Shepherd please heal my broken heart. I cannot fix my own wounds and I long for you to heal my inner self where I am bruised and scarred with the memories of the hurts from my past. There are pieces of my heart that are lost, or being held captive. Recover them and bring them back to me and “put me back together” so that my heart is whole again. You are the mender of broken hearts. I give my past to you so you can begin to mend the brokenness within my soul. You see the deepest darkest parts that others cannot see and only you can feel the pain that is still there inside of me. You saw everything I went through and you held each tear I cried. I couldn’t see you reaching out to me wanting to pour you love inside of me. I didn’t know you were there. I felt so very much alone and I didn’t think you cared. But now, as I look back, I see you cared about my life and it was when I was in my most darkest moments you were the closest. Please help me now reach out to you ,Good Shepherd, and get to know you so much more and to really know the depth of your love.

All of us, with no covering on our faces, show the shining-greatness of the Lord as in a mirror. All the time we are being changed to look like Him, with more and more of His shining-greatness. This change is from the Lord Who is the Spirit. 

2 Corinthians 3:18 (NLV)